Two broken people, falling in love

February 22, 2019

Two broken people, falling in love

My husband, Jez, and I got married October 14th 2017.

When it's right, everything works out effortlessly.

Jez is originally from Buckley, Michigan. He was born and raised on a family farm where they lived off the land. He was twelve before he knew you could go to the store to buy meat! Every morning they would sit at the breakfast table and read scripture together as a family. The boys would go and do their morning chores while the girls would make breakfast. They would meet again to eat, then it was time for school. He grew up working very hard, alongside his five other brothers and three sisters.

He was married for some years to his ex-wife. She was someone that took advantage of his naivety, because he was so sweet and did everything for her. She unfortunately had an affair that ended their marriage, thankfully. She really did a number on him. He later was with another girl that had two daughters of her own. He loved them, and did everything for them as well. She also, cheated on him. Needless to say, he was hurt from opening his heart to only have it broken.

Those women were both broken, both filled with hurt from their pasts. Only they kept choosing to fill their voids with men, alcohol or drugs and never truly facing their problems head on.

I grew up with a mother who was selfish. She unfortunately was a similar breed to the women that broke Jez's heart. She had me very young, and from then on went in search of other men to save her. She did it three times total, and another four children were products of that. My siblings. I never knew my father growing up, I thankfully had some very good people in my life that saw the brokenness in my mother and only wanted to help her, and us. In fact, they still consider me their granddaughter to this day. Later on as an adult, I discovered my mother was in fact, a narcopath, short for narcissistic sociopath. Which I am still learning about and trying to wrap my head around. I never understood why I felt that she never wanted good for me. Why she opened credit cards in my name and never wanted me to have nicer things than her. I grew a resentment toward her that lead up to moving out at 16.

I lived with a family for a couple of years. They were people God placed in my life for a season, to help me transition into the woman I would later become. January of 2013 I decided to venture out and find my biological father.

February 1st I talked on the phone with him for some hours. He never knew about me, or the possibility of having a daughter. We met the next day, and found out a week later that I was in fact, his biological daughter. It was the best feeling knowing I had a family, and unconditional love that I so longed for.

I was broken. I had many issues when I first came into the picture. I had abandonment issues from my mother leaving me, and having my things packed for me, twice in boxes set out for the next phase of my life. My dad helped me though. He helped me understand what self-worth was and helped build my confidence that I had so little of. He helped mold me into the strong woman I am today.

I finally had stability, I finally had a home and a place I felt I belonged.

I always wanted to be a mother. Ever since the day my mother left me, my two sisters and little brother. All ranging in ages 12-3, me being the oldest. I vowed that moment in my life, that I would be the best mother to my children. I vowed I'd never be like her.

I met Jez a year after he moved to Texas from Michigan in 2014 when he started working for my dad.

We started talking as friends, and really got to know each other without any pressures of being exclusive and officially started dating April 2016. He was, and still is, my very best friend.

He told me he knew he didn't have any business dating the boss' daughter, but he saw something different in me-he saw I was trying to change.

And I was. I was trying so hard to fight the urges of a typical girl with "daddy issues." I was trying to better myself by working out the darkness I had brought into my life that year prior. Even though I met my father, and all my dreams came true-essentially, I still had the pains and brokenness to battle. I craved attention from men, I felt the strongest desire to feel loved. Just looking for a gas station to fill my empty tank, didn't matter what grade of fuel it was.

What I didn't know or understand, is the only man that could ever fill that emptiness for me, was my Heavenly Father.

And my husband, Jez made me want to know the Lord. I always had the Holy Spirit inside of me, I always knew that Jesus Christ died for our sins. But growing my faith and having an intimate relationship with Him, was something I didn't understand. Until I met Jezreel Canfield.

I remember sitting in church when I was about sixteen and a verse stood out to me on the projector screen. Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Everything happens for a reason. And it does. God's timing is absolutely perfect. He places the perfect people in your life for the perfect seasons. Some are meant to help you, guide you, some are meant to hurt you, then He takes those hurts and makes something beautiful out of them. It's a journey, but YOU have to seek Him.

Verses 12-14 goes on to say :

"Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

Our stories are meant to bring glory to Him. He uses us, and calls upon us to bring others to Christ. I am still on my own journey in accomplishing this-but I believe He has a wonderful plan for me. A plan to glorify His kingdom.